the life experience...

Ever get that deja vu feeling? The idea that you've been there or seen that before? To me, whenever that happens, i always feel that its a sign from above that my life is going in the direction that it should be.

As I sit here and look at my surroundings, I have realized that one thing reigns true. The one thing that remains constant is change. If you're not ready for it, you could miss out on the opportunity that life brings your way.

Every year around this time, I always take a moment and reflect on things that have happened throughout the year. I look back on my life and think of things that I wished I had done, things that I wished I had done differently and I even question whether I made the right decisions. This is one of the times where I can actually say that I am truly happy with where I am in my life. While there are some things that I wished I had done differently, I am completely content with my overall position.

One of the good things about doing such a reflection, is that you get the opportunity to look back and realize the err of your ways. While I cannot change the things that have happened in the past, I do know that I can only control the future. I know for the future, I must take the time to see things from someone else's point of view. I need to be able to be patient and not let my emotions get the best of me. I also need to learn that I too am human and I have got to remember that I am a work in progress.

As I look back on 2010, I realize that my life will never be the same again. And while I should be nervous and scared of what 2011 has in store, I know that if it is anything like this past year, I have a lot to look forward to! I have in every way possible taken a leap of faith in hopes that everything I have been taught since birth will enable me to fly. I guess at some point that's really what we're living for, right? To gain the life experience!

ConverseLuv

my wish for you...

It has been several months since my last posting. Time flies by when you're trying to live your life. Naturally so many things have happened since my last post- way too much to enter into one entry.

Why is it everytime I have to write an entry, I sit and look at the screen over and over. I write something and then delete it. Write something else and delete it again. I put my innermost thoughts down and then change it. As usual, I can never make a decision! Finally it came to me, and here it is:

I wish for you that one great love. The most amazing love that you could ever have.

One thing that I wish for you is love. I wish that you can wake up every day with your heart bursting with the feeling that you are loved. The feeling that your heart is so light, it could almost rip through your chest. I wish that you can become completely giddy just thinking of their name.

Knowing there is that one person who you can be completely whole with. Be completely bare- in the sense that you can show them everything about you- the good, bad, and ugly- and once the dust settles they are still there.

I wish you can find someone that thinks the most of you. Someone who carries you in their spirit and wants nothing but the best for you. An individual who would do absolutely anything just to get a smile on your face. A person who couldn't imagine sharing you with anyone else. Someone who stands stands in a crowded room but only has eyes for you.

I wish you find a person that chooses to neither walk in front or behind you- but beside you- to guide you when you need direction, pick you up when you fall and dust you off when you've been hurt. To give you just enough encouragement that pushes you to the limit of your optimum potential. I wish for you trust. The ability to give your heart to someone and to trust that they won't break it.

I wish you find not the one that you can live with, but the one that you can't live with out. The one who you can't get your mind off of. The one you could spend every waking minute with and not get sick and tired of it. The one who you can watch while they sleep and wonder what they dream of. The one who you can't feel complete without.

In life everyone deserves love.

I wish for you that one great love. The most amazing love that you could ever have.

ConverseLuv

Life...

Life is what you make it so try and make it, I know that you will.

Sorry I haven't written in a while, had alot going on. But never fear cuzzzzz I'M BACK! So much has happened since my last post that I didn't even know where to begin. Friendships have been created, tested and lost; Some relationships have grown while others have ceased to exist. But such is LIFE right?

I've been in a relationship with LIFE for 24+ years now and I still don't get it. Just when I think LIFE and I are on good terms, LIFE throws me for a loop. LIFE is amazing. LIFE is a bi*ch. Sometimes LIFE is good to me, and sometimes its bad. But I can't help it. I love LIFE. I can't live without LIFE so I've just got to deal with whatever LIFE throws my way.

LIFE is amazing. It is when the shit hits the fan that you truly know where you stand. LIFE is a game only played once. There are no rules and no take backs you have only one shot, one attempt to make it count. That's it. Before you look around, its over. You don't get to decide when and where the end will be, so you've got to do the best you can do with what you've got.

The funny thing about LIFE is that you don't understand its meaning until you're too old and decrepit to do anything about it. When you're first born, you only care about simple things. LIFE makes you keep going, forcing you to run after the next adventure. At first you learn to roll over but you LIFE makes you aware that you are still stagnant. You then learn crawl but then LIFE pushes you to stand. After you learn to stand, LIFE forces you walk and eventually run. There will be times you fall down and scrape your knee, but LIFE helps you getup, dusts you and makes you try again. This is LIFE.

People come in and out of your LIFE all the time, but its the one's who leave footprints that you won't forget. Always remember LIFE stops for no one so instead of holding back to really say what you feel or putting things off for another day. Tell me now! Go for it today! Ever notice when you go to a funeral people gather around and talk about all the good things the deceased did, all the great times had and how they truly felt. Why do we wait until LIFE is over before we say all the things we should have said and do all the things we should have done?

So get it out now. Do all the things you want to do. Say all the things you want to say. You will never have these moments again in LIFE so really make it count. I don't know if LIFE and I will ever get along in this relationship of ours, but what can I say, I'm in love with LIFE so no matter what LIFE decides to throw my way, I'm ready!

ConverseLuv

"Golden"
I'm taking my freedom,

Pulling it off the shelf,
Putting it on my chain,
Wear it around my neck,
I'm taking my freedom,
Put it in my car,
Wherever I choose to go,
It will take me far
I'm living my LIFE it's GOLDEN.

the past is the past for a reason...

...you can't move forward if you keep looking back.

Shout out to my four followers for reading my blog! :) An entry like this was coming a long time... might as well open up a little now.

The title and first line of this entry was my recent status message on a popular social network. Interestingly enough, a friend of mine commented on my status and this is what she said:


"Look at your life as if you are driving a car. Your windshield is BIG and FULL of your future. Like where you are going, and the things that are coming to you. Your rear view mirror is small and insignificant; it only gives you a glance of what is behind you... its your past... you've already been through it... It's Done! The only way it can catch up to you is if you put it in neutral, or reverse. Get in gear!"

Her response really hit me and made me think. If you keep dwelling on the past, there is no way you can be receptive of the future. Let go and let God. For those who know me and my history understand that I have had some good times, and also some really bad times when it comes to relationships. No need to go into all the details, because we have all had our share in some shape or form. I have been a heart breaker and have had my heart broken in return. Even though the pain is real and hurts every time, I still wouldn't trade any of it for all the gold in the world. Some may say I am crazy, but there is a method to my madness.

I have been blessed to meet an individual who is truly an amazing person. Never in my life did I think I could possibly get everything in a person that I have ever asked for. Someone who refuses to walk behind me or in front of me- but beside me and take on the world together. I wake up every morning constantly in fear that it is all a dream. And then like clock work I get a text or a call and on the other end is him. I have never really felt like this before, I almost don't know what to do with myself. How does he have the perfect answer to everything? How can I be silly, wear no make up, be in sweats and he still make me feel like I am the most beautiful person in the world? How can he be so forthcoming with his emotions and his intentions and reassure me that he is not like the others? Could this really be?

Never in my life did I think I could find someone, [of the opposite sex], that gets me. Someone who knows everything about me- and isn't running for the nearest exit. How could I possibly be so lucky? Slowly but surely he peels back all of my reservations, barriers, and walls, and is determined to get to my heart. He reassures me everyday that I can give him my heart and trust that he won't break it and in the same token, he is entrusting me with his- hoping that I won't do the same. In order for me to truly cherish and enjoy this amazing trip, I feel I had to experience all the bad. So would I do it all over again- the anguish, hurt, tears and pain- knowing that this was at the end of the tunnel? In two words- Hell Yes.

I wake up every morning with a smile on my face and in my heart. I am reminded every chance he gets of how special I am and how lucky he is. Little does he know, I am the lucky one. I thought I would be the one doing all the teaching and in fact, I am learning more from him than I could have ever imagined.

I know it has only been 25 days into this new year, but if I keep holding back, If I keep looking back, I will be missing out on all the good things that have yet to come. Side by side, hand in hand, I have been reassured that we are in this together. This is definitely worth the wait. There is a saying I got from one of TP's movies about the 80-20 rule. Basically it says that a person can only give you 80 percent of what you want, need and desire. That is all anyone has to offer. Someone who does all the things that you need and want in a partner. Far too often we leave our "80" for someone else thinking the grass is greener on the other side, a "20", only to learn that what we originally thought was a better choice, really wasn't. I feel I have found my 80 and I am going to do everything to hold on to this one. I have had an interesting time playing with the 20's and I am ready for that 80. I pray every woman out there gets a chance to have the feeling that I have right now.
ConverseLuv

History in the Making

Don't move, baby don't move,

Awww look at you,

I just want to take this all in.

The moonlight dancing off your skin,

Our time, Let's take our time,

I just want to look in your eyes,

and catch my breath,

Cuz I just got this feeling.

This could be, one of those memories,

The one we want to hold onto, to cling to,

One we can't forget,

Baby this could be our last first kiss,

The door to forever,

What if this was that moment,

That chance worth taking,

History in the Making.

imagination..

... vs reality.

I came across and interesting concept today- imagination vs. reality. So easy for our minds to take us places we have never been or show us a world unknown. With the blink of an eye you can envision yourself in a place where streets are made of chocolate and lanes filled with gum drops. A place you can get everything your heart desires. But what happens when you return to reality? What happens when you come back and things that once were aren't anymore?

When I was younger I had a hell of an imagination.

In my imagination, when I was older, I would be a CEO of a major flourishing business, an artist, a free spirit that dances to the beat of my own drum. A person who loves to feel the grass and dirt between my toes. A person that is care free; someone who dances in the rain and doesn't care for rules. Someone who thinks outside the box and is living life to the fullest extent but takes time out to smell the roses.

In reality I work a dead end 9-5 and have no time for art. Dancing in the rain doesn't happen for fear of my hair getting wet and catching a cold. Rules are my life; my bible and without them I would be lost. Where I come from being care free is frowned upon and don't you dare have your own opinion. 'Round these parts, you better have your head in the game 24/7, no time for smelling roses, and you can live your life to the fullest when you're dead. And the germaphobe that I am now WOULD NEVER put my feet in the dirt!

So the big question is, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

If it were possible, I think the 5 year old me would kick the 24 year old me's butt! At what point in my life did I stop imagining things? When did dreams become distant memories and reality, like the dictator it is, come and over throw my imagination? We all know at some point we must grow up and put away childish things, but who says our imagination has to be one of them? Why must it be work, work, work all time instead of play? Why can't we have a recess every now and then, and eat dessert first sometimes?

Maybe if we let that little kid that is inside of us out every once in a while we will learn to stop being so serious all the time. We will learn to enjoy life on a daily basis instead of waiting for something monumental to happen that forces us to change our way of thinking. So, I don't know about you, but I'm getting some crayons and a coloring book on the way home. And you know what? I'm coloring OUTSIDE the lines this time around!
ConverseLuv

I wrote myself a letter

I wrote myself a letter,

I mailed it right away,

And, sure enough, the carrier,

delivered it today.

I couldn't wait to get it.

I nearly had to shout.

I quickly tore the envelope,

and pulled the letter out.

I anxiously unfolded it,

but now I must concede.

I'm clueless to what it says,

I haven't learned to read.

all may be lost...

...but not forgotten.

I have been contemplating whether or not to discuss the tragedy that has occurred in Haiti. After sleeping on it, and discussing it with friends, I feel it needs to be addressed.

For those who have been living under a rock for the past couple days, Haiti has been hit by an earthquake. I will not produce facts or details of the situation- for that you need to do your own research. Instead I will should discuss my feelings on the matter.

First and foremost, I extend my prayers and condolences to the people of Haiti. There is nothing that I can say that will ease the pain these people must be facing right now. I can not imagine the feeling of not knowing if your loved ones are alive or having lost everything. When something like this happens it makes me take a step back and reflect of my life. We all take the simple things in life for granted. Just this past week I got into a tiff with my father over something stupid. Looking back now I feel obnoxious to know that I let something so small and minute build into anger. There are people who have lost everything they have ever had including family that they cannot get back, and I am taking things for granted. I have got to learn to choose my battles and cherish the things that matter most.

With this tragedy comes great sadness and despair, but also hope.

Hope for the safety of family, our brothers and sisters;
Hope for the opportunity to rebuild and for regrowth;
Hope for the chance to come together for a greater cause; and
Hope to make things right this time around unlike tragedies in the past.

In times like these, we need hope and our faith to get us through. It is amazing to see people coming together during this time to offer all types of support. I've seen support as large as countries coming together- and as small as children offering up lunch money for the cause. Every little bit helps, so I ask all my followers, (all two of you lol), to please give something. Even if it is $5, every contribution can make a difference. As a disclaimer, please donate to an organization that you have heard of, and also ask how much of the proceeds actually go to the cause. It would be a shame for your donations to go in vain. Together we can make a difference.

ConverseLuv

Footprints in the Sand

"One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed

footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other

times were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord, " You promised me Lord that if I followed you, you would

walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying

periods of my life, there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me ?"

The Lord replied, " The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,

is when I carried you."

nothing to fear...

but fear itself...

What is it about fear that really gets to us?? I mean all the way down to our bones? Fear is something that is contagious and deadly. It consumes us and takes over every ounce of courage. Fear is a powerful thing, but if you can learn to catch it and manifest it into something else then you can do anything that you set your mind to.

I say this because fear is what caused me to almost pass up a great opportunity. Every time I get into something that is new, I always manage to become pessimistic about the situation, find one thing that bothers me- turn the mole hill into a mountain and then run for the nearest exit. But the good thing this time is I had to face someone that would tell me exactly like it is with no sugar coating. Having this 'come to Jesus', made me realize how often I actually run out on new things just out of plain old fear. I guess sometimes we all need that little reality check in order to make us get it in gear. So for that- and you know who you are- I thank you. Best friends are definitely God's way of giving us that extra shove when we need it most.

Now that I have crossed that bridge that I feared most, I am finally at ease. What do you do after you've gotten everything that you have ever prayed for? The power of prayer is remarkable. It has always been said that, "He may not answer when you call, but he is always on time," SO TRUE. So where do we go from here? Who knows, but this time around FEAR is not an option.
ConverseLuv

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves,

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

to new beginnings....

and fairytale endings?

I really suck at keeping up with these things, but one of the things on my "Bucket list 2010" is to try something new. So here it goes...

So much has happened this year and we are just 11 days in! I am truly a blessed individual. I have an amazing family and a great group of friends. Something about the new year always puts me in a frenzy and gives me the hope and excitement that I get another chance at life. Corny I know lol, but hey its me!

Every year I compose a list of things that I would like to do before the end of the year. I like to call it my Bucket List of 2010. It's just a way for me to get out there and live life instead of getting caught up in the day to day activities. It's amazing how fast time travels when you aren't paying attention. Before you know it, life just passes you by. A close friend of mine had a tragic loss over Christmas, and while we may question why things happen, I feel there is a special balance to life that makes it unique. This showed me that life is always too short. We must learn to cherish the times that we have. Far too often we put things off for another day with the expectation that there will be one. Sometimes we need to just stay up one hour longer. dance in the rain, take the scenic route. laugh more. love more..

I feel if we really focus on what is important, there is no way you can go wrong. So far this year I was able to make a new friend, go to color me mine, and try something new that I was always scared to do. Just remember, God gives us blessings in many ways, we just have to open our eyes to see it. It has been an amazing adventure and I can't wait to see what else is in store for 2010. I have the feeling that this is going to be a great year!
ConverseLuv

Time

is too slow for those

who wait, too swift for those who

fear, too long for those who grieve, too

short for those who rejoice,

but for those who love

time is eternity.