the little bo-peep dress

Being plus sized, it is difficult finding clothes on a normal day. For some reason, our society feels that the larger you get, the uglier the clothes should be. How many times have you gone to the store, and found a classic button down top..... but the sleeves are 3/4 long? (I HATE those shirts!) Finding the right wedding dress can be just as difficult, if not worse.

From the beginning, I stated that I did not want to spend a lot of money on my dress. I couldn't justify spending thousands of dollars on a dress that I could only wear once. I chose to go to my local David's Bridal store and check it out. With the OCD kicking in, I went to the site and printed all the dresses that I liked, so I could give the consultant a good idea of what I was looking for.

On the day of the appointment, my small team of girls and myself traveled to the store. Apparently, the store changed locations. (Always double check the address!) We were early, so we had enough time to get to the right location. Our consultant greeted us, and the process began. I had this vision that it was going to be like the show, "Say yes to the dress." I would try on a dress, walk out and tears would instantly form in my mother's eyes. I would see myself in the mirror and start to bawl, this is the dress!! But that didn't quite happen for me.

I was told up front that DB could not alter the dresses in any way that would change the design, (i.e. use the top of one dress, and the bottom of another, or remove the lace, etc.) While I was trying on dresses, I felt they looked, "ok" but I didn't get that wow factor that I was looking for. I started to fear that I wouldn't find the dress. My mother picked out a dress that she liked and showed it to me. At first I didn't like it at all. I even named it the, "Little Bo- Peep" dress. My team loved the dress, but I couldn't see myself in it. I didn't even want to try it on.

After minutes of debating back and forth, my mother put her foot down and insisted that I try it on. I knew things looked different on the hanger, but I wasn't interested. Finally I gave in and tried it. As I walked out, everyone loved the dress... I was waiting for that teary moment, but never got it. Don't get me wrong, the dress was beautiful, but it just didn't do it for me. I loved the top of it, but hated the skirt. It gave me a wonderful hour glass shape and was gorgeous...but I hated that skirt. I took it off and continued trying on other dresses. I narrowed it down to three- one that I liked, one that was plain, and the one my team liked, the little bo-peep dress.

Convinced that I would prove them wrong, I decided to try on the plain dress first, the little bo-peep dress second, and then my choice last. The first one was nice, but it was too plain, and I also didn't like the fabric. I tried on the little bo-peep dress again. Once again, I loved the top, but hated the skirt. As I stared at the dress in the mirror, having my own private moment in the chaotic and loud dressing room, I slowly lifted the top layer of the dress and rolled it asside. There it was. Beneath the top layer was a satin skirt. The more and more I played around with the dress, the more I liked it. I hated to admit it, but the little bo- peep dress kicked all the other dresses out the window. The problem was David's Birdal already told me they couldn't alter the design of the dress at all.

My mother saw what I was doing an confirmed that it is possible for her to remove the top layer of the skirt. (Of course she can sew, is there anything she can't do?!) Right then and there, I decided this was the dress for me!! I couldn't believe that I had chosen a dress on the first visit, and it was under budget!

As I got dressed and headed to the front of the store, our consultant began ringing up our purchases. She ordered the shoes, and the veil. As she attempted to order the dress, one of the worst things imaginable happened...

Engagement Session part deux

In the couple days leading up to our engagement session, I have to admit that I was a little overwhelmed. Being the typical OCD person that I am, I began to fret about taking the actual pictures. These will most likely be the pictures that we use in our save the dates, so what should we wear?!!

Finally we decided that Lyndon would wear a light purple button down shirt, with a gray and black argyle diamond sweater, dark blue jeans, and black boots. I decided on a white button down, with a purple cardigan, dark blue jeans and black booties. I had on a silver and purple necklace, silver ball earrings, and my engagement ring of course!

A couple nights before, our photographer sent us a list of do's and don'ts Here are my top 4 favorite:

1. Wear comfortable SHOES!! I thought I was soooo cute in my black bootie heels, but as we kept walking on the uneven paved walk way, and on the bridge through the park, I quickly realized heels weren't such a good idea. We would walk a little, stop and take a couple pictures and then continue walking. By the time we took the last shot, we were on the other side of the lake!! I dreaded every single step back to the car. (But I LOVE my heels!!) The sad part is that they never made it into any of the photos! Looking back, it wasn't worth the pain.

2. Definitely eat before the session. There is nothing more embarrassing in my opinion that staring into your hunny's eyes and hearing nothing but nature.....and your stomach growling. I was soooo glad for that donut!

3. Leave your phones, purses, and anything that you don't need in the car. As you walk around, you will take off your coats and other excess belongings. It eventually becomes cumbersome to have to drag around unnecessary items.

And finally, 4. Enjoy the moment. How often do you get to take some time out and really share that special moment with your beau? Even though Lyndon and I try to, we often get caught up in our day to day routines. This was a great opportunity for us to re-connect.

On the morning of the session, Lyndon and I got as camera ready as we could, grabbed a light breakfast, (iced coffee and a donut for me!!), and headed to to the pre-arranged location. Our photographer was running a little late, but that was perfect because it gave us just enough time to scope the place out and take it all in. Once he arrived, he explained to us what would happen. We walked, talked, laughed and had a great time! I have to say that it's amazing the way he captured certain shots. It felt very relaxed and comfortable.

Overall, I thought it was a great experience and our photographer was so wonderful. He really put us at ease and guided us through the session in such an unobtrusive way. I loved it!! Here are some of the pictures we took. I am waiting on the dvd containing the actual pictures, but here are a couple that tried to save just so you could see. Enjoy!!

a picture is worth a thousand words....

So far in our wedding planning, we have been lucky- I have an aunt that does catering, a venue that allows her to cater there, another aunt who bakes the most delicious cakes, a dj who we have used for years, a mother who is so creative that she can do just about anything. (Say hello to my new florist!) lol. Even with all of this, there is one thing that has me a little on edge- the photographer and videographer.

I feel that years from now, no one is going to remember what you ate, or what you said, or that it rained, or even that you had cold feet. As time goes on, some of the special memories and details that you swore you would never forget, will fade and all that remains are the pictures and videos. So why am I so nervous? I have heard far to many horror stories of pictures getting lost, or couples having to sue their photographer because they failed to deliver what they promised. The more and more I kept asking for refferals, the more horror stories I got. I have to admit, I was a little worried that we might just have to settle. And then it happened....

My parents were working a special event where they happened to meet a photographer. They liked him so much that they took his card and instantly told me to check him out. Before you knew it, we set up an appointment and it was there that I instantly fell in love with his work. As soon as we walked in, you could tell that this person does photography for a living, not just a hobby, and has a true passion for it.

He showed us all the different options, and what I like most is that you can pick a basic package and then add a la carte items. I hadn't even thought about getting blown up photos in addition to albums. He really educated us on the whole process and made us feel at ease. This was it. I knew that he is the photographer for us. I asked the future husband what he thought and he got the same vibe.

It feels great to check one more thing off the list. With our upcoming engagement session, it is starting to feel real. I guess the next battle for us is, what to wear?!

What's in a name?

What is really in a name?

I have this one co-worker who I love to discuss random topics with. Earlier this week, I asked him what his thoughts were regarding hyphenating a woman's name once she gets married. He was strictly against it and so the discussion began...

He felt that a woman must take on their husband's name once their are married. Period. To him, it is unacceptable for a woman to hyphenate their name because it is not original, and it is diluting the name. Of course I had to completely disagree with his points- I mean what's the fun in a debate if we all agree right?

This caused me to really wonder, what is really in a name? Should it matter if a woman chooses to keep a name that she has built all of her life? Why should she automatically change the name simply because she gets married? Or because it is the socially acceptable thing to do? Many people, (not just women), today choose to keep their last name. Some choose to hyphenate it, while others choose to replace their middle name with their maiden name and then take on their spouses'.

My argument for wanting to keep my name is that when the time comes for me to receive my Masters degree... I want it to say my last name. My maiden name that is. I have worked so hard, since that first honor roll award in elementary school, all the way to receiving by bachelors, to do the best that I can do academically. Every single one of the awards, certificates, and degrees say my maiden name. Now why should the latest and probably last degree that I get say my married name?

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my future husband- name and all, but there is a special relationship that I have with my own name. Being the first in my immediate family to achieve their bachelors, I have never felt more proud than the day I was able to give my parents my bachelors degree. Having watched and learned their story of coming to a foreign country and struggling to give their children the best life possible- and succeeding, makes me proud to give them something in return. It may be small and insignificant to others, but to me, it is the best gift that I could give. It shows that all their hard work did not go in vain.

To further my point, there are two attorneys that work at my job. The first attorney is not only one of the only three female partners at the firm, she is the only minority. (And she is Jamaican, YES!) The second, is an associate at the firm. Both women have chosen to keep their maiden names. Now their children have their husbands last names, but they have chosen not to take on the name.

Another example, I have a cousin who worked hard to become one of the top OB/GYN's in the area. She was a doctor before she got married. To this day, she is a doctor in her maiden name, but still Mrs. [Insert husband's name here].

All of the above are great examples of strong, successful women who have simply chosen to keep what is rightfully theirs. Now does that make them any less of a woman, wife, or mother? Absolutely not. One of the amazing things about life and time is that it is constantly changing. Thankfully in today's world, we have the luxury and ability to design our own relationships and make our own rules.

I understand the biblical "leave and cleave", concept that,(when you get married), you must leave your parents and cleave to your spouse. But did they really mean name and all?

Battle of the Bulge: Getting into ,"Wedding Day Shape"

As I checked my check list of "to dos" this morning, this is what I saw:

If you can't read it, it says, " Get in wedding day shape by eating right, joining a gym, and/or hiring a personal trainer" Not Assigned AND it has now added an alarm clock AND highlighted itself in red! UGH

Now if you know me, you know that I am obsessive when it comes to lists and checking things off as soon as possible. I do not like to put something off that I can do today. I find pleasure in being able to check things off and be ahead of schedule. And yet this stupid task "Wedding Day Shape," or "Shedding for the Wedding," is just one step that I keep overlooking. As you can see what once was a simple task has now turned into an over due task. OVER DUE?! On one of MY lists? That is simply unheard of! Some might say to just check it off so the task will disappear and move on. But I know I just can't do that! This is just something that has to be done, I mean, who wants to look like a stuffed sausage on their wedding day? I also know that the sooner you start, the easier it will be. But for some reason I just can't seem to get it in gear!

This has almost become unavoidable. On almost every check list that I come across, they mention that brides should start as soon as possible to get into, "wedding day shape." What exactly is wedding day shape you ask?

In case you've been living under a rock somewhere, it is basically its where the bride does everything within her power to shed those extra lbs she's been carrying around. The wedding is a time where ultimately the bride stands out- not blends in. Modern day society has scared all women into thinking that you must look your best on your wedding day and the only way to do that is to loose the love handles! While women can look beautiful at any size, everyone knows there's an unspoken desire to be smaller. Add a wedding into the mix and there can be TONS of pressure to loose the weight. (no pun intended)


Well ladies and gents, I too have fallen victim to this. I have always been proud of the fact that I am comfortable in my own skin but for some reason the idea of squeezing into a dress and not looking as great as I want to frightens me. While it should be a happy moment, I confess that I am dreading the thought of standing in front of 216 family and friends and not looking my best. You would think that that should be motivation enough, but it isn't!


This is the one time that I will definitely stand out. Not to mention all the pictures and videos that will be taken. No matter how much you try to avoid it, with today's technology age, the photos are bound to reach social networking sites. (To think that they won't is to be completely in denial.) So in other words, there will be hundreds of people that will see these photos- to say the least.

Now we all know that the camera adds 10 pounds, which means I should be doing sit ups as we speak. I can't seem to figure out why I am so unenthusiastic about this, I used to LOVE working out. Everyone else around me seems to be also "shedding for the wedding" which I thought would help to motivate me, but for some reason it isn't. I know I don't eat as healthy as I should. If you know me, you know my favorite room is the kitchen. I absolutely LOVE to cook. There is no greater pleasure than taking random things and turning them into a wonderful meal.


So can someone please tell me how am I supposed to get motivated?! I have the deadline of 5-6 months before I absolutely have to purchase a dress. I would like to shed at least 50 pounds.... which equates to about 2lbs a week. I guess that's not too bad. As they say, there's no time like the present. I guess today is THE day. Maybe if I keep blogging about it, I will become more and more motivated to loose these annoying love handles that I've been carrying around! Oh well, here goes nothing. To the 2-3 people that actually read this and are in similar situation: don't worry, I am going to do some research on how brides in the past lost those annoying last few pounds before the big day. So stay tuned because the best has yet to come.

Wish me luck!
ConverseLuv

The Countdown

Ok. So this is it. The official countdown has begun. 366 days are all that's left between me and my single life.

Part of me is excited because I know that we are almost in the home stretch. On the other hand, I realize that time is almost out and we still have so much to do! At times I try not to think about it because it can be so overwhelming.

But I am happy to say that the struggle with the list is over! If you've read my earlier posts you must know how happy this has made me.

We went through the list a couple more times, shed who we could shed, and added who needed to be added. The final total count is 216. 216. 216? 216! I never thought it was possible to put a number on the most important people in my life, but I guess if I had to, 216 is it. There were some arguments and debates on who made the list, but in the end once the dust settled, we survived with no broken bones and all limbs intact. I had to realize that this is not only my day, but my parents as well. This is their time to shine. So even though I felt certain individuals shouldn't have been on the list, or vice versa, I realized that it isn't worth the argument. No matter what I do, someone will be hurt. If I focus on that then I will miss out this once in a lifetime event. We were supposed to be under 200 but I figure we can break down some tables once the partying begins. I can say that a serious weight has been lifted off my chest. At least there is one more thing checked off my list!!!!!!!!!

One thing that I keep doing over and over is thinking how the overall day and time will be when I reflect back years from now. What I mean is, am I going to be ok with the choices I make today years from now? I have been desperately asking and praying on certain things to try and find the answer but for some reason the only answer I keep getting is to follow my heart. I know this doesn't really make sense because I haven't given you background material. But... oh well.

Back to my main point- There is still SO MUCH TO DO!! I thought the little things that we have accomplished meant that we were ahead of the game, but as the days go by one by one, I keep realizing that time is running out. If you know me, you know that I have an OCD- control freak- type personality. I hate the idea of leaving something in someone else's hands. There's a small margin of things that I like. The idea that we have time and I can wait just doesn't cut it for me. (There's that control freak coming out.) I am the type that will stay up for days on end working out every nook and crany. Procrastination doesn't work for me and it simply stresses me out.

All in all, I must say that I am enjoying the process so far, and only hope that it gets better. I have a ton of support from people which has really helped. I am extremely lucky to come from a talented family and I have amazing friends who have blessed me with their knowledge and ideas.

I know that this moment in my life is only coming around one time so I have to do the best that I can to make it count. This is something every girl dreams of for as long as they can remember. I just hope that time slows down just a little bit so I can enjoy every moment.
ConverseLuv.

The List

To invite or not to invite....



Why does it seem that as soon as you're getting married, everyone you've ever known manages to come out of the woodwork's?



Once you are getting married, you will soon discover that all weddings are a business. There are charges, and surcharges- not to mention venue restrictions and capacity limits. So what to do? You find a place and its great, it has everything you've wanted in a venue and it can hold a large amount of people. You then find out the number of people you're allowed to invite. (If you want a dance floor (who doesn't), you have to cut that number down by an additional 40.) Then you have to factor in your partner which means that number is now divided by half. (i.e. a venue can hold 300-40 (dance floor)= 260 /2 (your partner's side)= 130. 130. The magic number!



So you're telling me I need to create a list that includes every important person in my life and restrict it to 130? Let's not forget all the family, and your parents' friends...... by the time you look around, you're down to 30 people that you're allowed to invite. TO YOUR OWN WEDDING! I've never realized how large my immediate family is, not to mention the extended family. I am beginning to feel like the chick from My Big Fat Greek Wedding- Jamaican style. There are so many people that are important and that you would want to take part in your special day, you forget that they all add up. It all comes down to the dollars and cents of the matter.

As I said before, weddings are a form of a business. After all these people venture from every corner of the earth just to participate in your special day, you've got to feed them! Imagine if your caterer charges you $25 per person- multiply that by the number of people= $6500. Over $6000 on just food! And then watch the look on your face once you realize some people don't show up! Guess we'll be serving McDonald's at my wedding..... I'm just saying.

The thing that I don't understand is why do you have to invite some people just because? Like why do you have to invite that ungrateful cousin that you detest, or that aunt that you absolutely cannot stand? Can someone please tell me what's the point of inviting someone who you know really doesn't care about your well-being but just because the same blood runs through your veins, they're an automatic shoo-in? I have tried to create every stupid rule just to cut my list down like, "If I haven't talked to you in 2011 you're off the list", or my favorite, "Just put all the possible names in a hat and draw until I reach the limit." I mean who cares if my friend I met last year is invited, but Grandma didn't make the cut? (I can just see my mother giving me that "look")



I guess in the end, it’s up to you and your parents on who to invite. They say that it's your marriage but your family's wedding. The one thing that I keep trying to remember throughout this is that on the night of the wedding, when all is said and done and I am sitting in my husbands' arms reflecting on the days' events, I don't want to have any regrets. I know that there are going to be many battles throughout the planning process, so I have to pick and choose wisely.

Well I know one thing, it's back to the drawing board.... This list isn't going to make itself!

ConverseLuv

The Engagement

A friend of mine thought it would be a good idea to blog about what's going through my mind during the wedding planning process.... it would be a good thing to look back on. I thought it was a cool idea so here I go....

Where to start. Oh yes! I am ENGAGED! It all happened on April 9th 2011. FH (future husband) worked a couple jobs on the weekend, so I decided to head down to my mother's house to hang out. Around 5:30pm, He called and said it would be a good idea for us to go out to dinner that night around 6:30-7. We normally go out with my family, but he thought it would be best for us to go alone. Mind you, I was in sweats, no make up, my hair was recently washed and curly. In other words, I looked a hot mess! He thought I should go home and get ready, but he forgot that he had dropped me at my mothers house leaving me with no car!

Luckily, my mother and I are relatively the same size so I raided her closet, shoes, jewelry and make up! I could tell something was up when he arrived to pick me up. Every minute I left the room, he would be sneaking around my parents whispering to them. So finally we left and went to dinner. As we pulled up to Ruth Chris' Steak house I looked over to him and he had this HUGE grin on his face.

Normally he is very affectionate, but for some reason he wouldn't allow me to hug him. (The Ring). We sat down to eat and had a great meal. Right before they served dessert, FH pulled out the ring and placed it on the table. He looked at me and asked the famous words, WILL YOU MARRY ME? Not wanting to cause a scene, I simply smile and said yes. (We were sitting in a booth in a high traffic area so he did not get down on one knee.) Of course, I have chubby little fingers so the ring could not fit! As we were finishing up the meal, FH dropped a glass and broke it! We walked out of the restaurant, hand in hand and waited for the car to pull up. As we were waiting, he got down on one knee and asked me again.

We drove back to my parents house, where they received us with smiles and congratulations. I had been grilling my mother the entire time to see if she knew anything. It came out that he showed my mother the ring right before we left for dinner simply because he knew I would be asking her. He also asked my father weeks before he popped the question. To this day I still don't know what was said.

And so that's how I got ENGAGED!